Did you make resolutions for the New Year, positive that this would be the year that they would really happen?
- I'm going to exercise more - I'm going to lose some weight - I will try to get rid of my bad habits - I won't let little things get to me any more - I'm going to start making wiser choices about money
We've all been there. And we've all faced March 23rd rolling around and feeling like a failure because some of those goals haven't crossed our mind since December 31st.
The concept of setting resolutions is worthy and helpful for most people. When you are chronically ill, however, resolutions can be wearisome and even scary. Most of the time our bodies and our health, therefore our lives, are out of our control. The effects of chronic pain can be devastating I you dwell on it. Though losing five pounds a month seems reasonable, a prescription of medication can quickly add on the pounds, despite our best dieting efforts. Even small goals seem hopeless.
The rationale behind why we don't meet our goals is very reasonable.
--> I'm going to exercise more . . . And then the town closes down the only indoor pool for winter construction
--> I'm going to get rid of those extra pounds . . . It seems every chronic pain medication I get has a list of side effects that say, "May cause weight gain." May? They all do!
--> I'm going to start making wiser choices about money . . . Money? What money? I'm barely surviving on what I have!
So what is the answer?
First, if you didn't set any goals in January, give yourself a pat on the back. No universal rule has been broken that said you must start your New Year's goals in January. The month of January is a time for recovery. You're likely exhausted from the holidays, the travel, or visiting relatives. And most people with illness pack December's calendar full of doctor's appointments too, before their health insurance deductibles all start over in the new years. If you've managed to survive January without any colds or infections, you're in the minority. And in most parts of the country the weather alone can make you feel disabled.
Secondly, make some changes without labeling anything a "resolution." When you go to grab snacks at the store, get items with high fiber, soy, sugar-free, organic, or even those that have immune boosts. Check with a dietician about what some healthy choices would be, taking your illness into consideration. Little changes will eventually add up, and you can have the pleasure of knowing you are working towards your objective.
Thirdly, write down what kinds of things you value. Instead of vowing, "I'm going to spend less money," think about what you really treasure. For example, would you like to go on a missions trip, using your own experience to help others with disabilities? (If so, call Joni and Friends International Disability Center; they often have people with illness go on these trips too.) Rather than listing "get some chronic pain management skills" as a goal, ask around for chronic pain management support groups, counselors, life coaches that specialize in chronic pain, and local hospitals that offer free workshops. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars on spa treatments to get some chronic pain treatment. Stick your list on your refrigerator or on your bathroom mirror to be a daily reminder of what you are specifically saving money for.
Fourthly, team up with a friend who is also ill, to encourage one another in your practical goals. Stress and illness is not a good combination and any change in our life (good or bad) dramatically intensifies the strain. It's not helpful to have a healthy friend say, "Well, maybe if you cut back on your calories more it would help. I noticed you had two bowls of soup at lunch today." (Did she even notice that you completely resisted the temptation of the basket of bread? And it had free refills!) Symptoms of illness are very unpredictable and a friend who understands what you are experiencing is an amazing gift. You will be able to keep a better perspective on your goals when a true friend says, "It's so depressing when you lose the weight and then the medications make you blow back up overnight. But hang in there. It won't last forever."
Fifth, give yourself a break. Depression and chronic pain go together way too often. When you make a decision that is less than ideal, don't sweat it! Don't think of it as a failure, but rather just a less than perfect choice you made for that moment. You will have another sixty-something times in the next month to make the correct decision. Start out by just aiming for making the correct one more than half the time. Skipping that shopping spree or avoiding the drive-thru burger place is a step in the right direction.
Lastly, assign yourself a goal that is fun! We forget that not everything in our lives needs fixed. Sometimes we just need more joy. Mark your calendar for lunch with a friend every two weeks as a new habit. Surround yourself with people who are inspirational and who overcome the odds in their lives with enthusiasm. And don't forget to reward yourself too. If you clean out your closet, working towards an ambition to get more organized, go buy a new chic hat that isn't typically you.
With realistic expectations and encouraging friends you'll soon find that you are one of the few people who actually met some of your goals that you set for the year. And though some of them will go on next year's to-do list again, as they do for us all, you will be one of the blessed people who found some joy during the journey.
Get a free list of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from "Beyond Casseroles" by Lisa Copen when you subscribe to HopeNotes invisible illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa founded Invisible Illness Week
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